The Expendables, directed by Sylvester Stallone (Jenn)

The Expendables is the most ridiculous movie you will see all year. When I say "ridiculous" I mean "bloody, explosive, over-the-top, hilarious." Ridiculous just sums it up better. Try to picture your favorite action movie. Now double that movie's budget and put it on steroids: Ya-dah! You have the Expendables. 
This movie is about a Barney Ross (Mr. Sly Stallone) who is hired to do a job by a mysterious man named Mr. Church (cameo by Bruce Willis). Ross enlists the help of his crew in order to finish the assassination of a dirty South American politician. Through a series of explosions, slow motion chases, and more gunfire than a western, the events of the film play out with little question. This film is pure eye-candy. 
The problems I have with this film are few and far between, but they are large. First of all, the secondary storyline was resolved far too quickly. Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) has girl problems with on-again, off-again girlfriend Lacy (Charisma Carpenter). When Christmas finds out Lacy's new boyfriend is abusive, he steps in, kicks his ass, and suddenly all of the troubles they were having before are gone. Lacy takes Christmas back and all is well. However, this happens right around the half-way mark of the film. Typically, the secondary plot is solved just before the primary plot is solved. 
Second of all, who wrote this hackneyed dialogue? Oh wait....that was Sly. Yes ladies and gents, the movie is written by, directed by, and starring Sly himself. Honestly, I didn't know the man could read. The names of the characters are hideous plays on words: Yin Yang? Gunner Jensen? Toll Road? Paine?! HALE CEASAR?! Come on. 
Finally, some of the acting was lackluster. I'm disappointed in the way the roles were executed. 
Was this movie good? I'd even go so far as to say it was freaking awesome. Will other women enjoy it? Probably not. It's a movie full of violence, muscle, and unnecessary gore (but not in a Saw kind of way.) Will guys enjoy it? Probably. It's a film chalked-full of stereotypes that would make the 1950's proud. I give it 7 stars overall.